One of my favourite editorial/articles from The Onion was always Herbert Kornfeld. I've been catching up on some articles and see there's finally been a Midstate Office Supplies website set up with some awesome product descriptions that I wish were how all products were described. However, Herbert giving some colleagues a seminar in this article is a must-read:
"And that's where all those pretty geraniums along the sidewalk came from!" shrieked Lois.
"No doubt," I said. I aksed them what tha lesson be from all this.
"Are you trying to get us to go to church or something?" Nick aksed.
"Shut tha fuck up, Nick," I said.
"Out of bad situations, good things can result, and that can apply in the workplace, too," Lois said. "You can find worth and meaning in your job if you know where to look."
"Hell no, that ain't what I wuz sayin'," I said. "Damn, woman."
Gary nailed it. He said it was 2 show how bumpin' tha H-Dog wuz, an' how lucky tha Midstate staff wuz 2 have tha One An' Only Funky Fresh Ovahlord O' Tha A.R. Universe in full effect. How much motivation a homie need? I raised a fuckin' office plant from tha dead by hollerin' at it an' feedin' it root beer an' Skittles, y'all. Thas off tha hook. Sheeit. Mad props 2 Gary fo' recognizin' tha ultimate truth. H-Dog out.